A message for Colic

Trying to find the words to describe Colic without using a tonne of expletives is almost impossible, I'm unsure that Ive managed to use the term Colic without following it up with a word I cant say on here (I am trying to keep it all professional, but said word also begins with a 'C'). Seriously though Colic, it sucks, like really sucks. It whips the wind straight from under your sails and then abandons you out at sea, there's no lighthouse near and no rescue boat to save you, just a long steady float back to shore. This notion repeats itself over and over again, a crazy journey of highs and lows as you try to relish in all the glory your newborn baby is bringing you, but you simply cant.

Having my second baby I am so conscious of how quickly time fleets, its that common cliche all mums throw at you but its so bloody correct that you find yourself throwing it out there too. So here I am, trying to cling to my (possibly last) newborn baby, before this bubble bursts and its teething, weaning and needing eyes in the back of my head all over again BUT in strolls Colic! (Cocky little bleeder) and he has different plans (apologies for assuming its Male, but Colic mamas I know you feel the same) Those calm and sleepy precious moments are often traded in for constant screaming and a lack of comfortableness and there's limited opportunity for those naps with a baby on my chest that I longed for all 9 months. Seeing her in so much discomfort and being unable to ease her pain is hell, she frequently struggles throughout the day to find a position that suites her and I cant get my head around the fact that at 3 months old I still don't truly know how to make her happy during her bouts. We just have to ride each wave out, sometimes the waves hit hard and we sink under for a while and yet others are smooth and short. Its unpredictable, but what you can predict is that it always comes at the worse time possible. That's just the logistics with having kids though I guess and its a case of taking each day as it comes.

So what is Colic? Other than an asshole, its the name for excessive, frequent crying in a baby who appears to be otherwise healthy. It's a common problem that affects up to one in five babies. It tends to begin when a baby is a few weeks old. It normally stops by four months of age, or by six months at the latest. There's a few treatments that supposedly work, but it would seem the only thing that works for us are the Colic Drops that are costing us £20 a week, believe me we have tried other over the counter remedies and been to see the doctor, all were unsuccessful. The NHS Website offers symptoms and signs, all of which Olive has, it also has some tips and useful links for coping with the condition. A warm bath is a great remedy for Olive, shes so happy in very warm bath, so much so that I decided to create a milk and flower bath for a mini photoshoot, it was a great way to make the most of our scenario and the beautiful photos I will treasure forever, even as a reminder of the struggle.

The annoying part of colic is how quickly it rears its ugly head, then just as quickly disperses again, its sudden, and extremely destructive mentally. Olive is soon back to normal, fast asleep shortly after due to putting up a good fight but me, I'm left emotionally drained, my mind is exhausted from the whole experience. The hardest part for me though is the way it makes me feel, Its almost like an out of body experience as I know this frustrated person I become is not the real me, its not the mother I am and most defiantly not the mother I want to be. I loose the control, if your baby is hungry you feed them, if they are upset you soothe them and when they fill their nappy you change them and you always stay in control of the situation. Colic demolishes all sense of control, that's difficult to accept a Mother and I'm not going to pretend that its got easier because it hasn't. I still struggle to accept help, if Olive is experiencing a bad bout and someone offers to take her from me (even when I so desperately want to lock myself in a silent space with a glass of something strong) I cant! I must not admit defeat. Ridiculous right? Just take the break, its not you failing and its not you giving in, you need it for your sanity and thats that! There is no cure for Colic, YOU are not the cure, as hard as you try to be. Repeat after me... 'I know its not my fault, I know my baby loves me and I know this too will pass.' 

We are aging closer to the 4 month mark now and I wonder each day if this bout will be the last, I'm not one for wishing time away- in fact its a quality I avoid at all costs, especially after blinking and owning a 2 year old. The days are long but the years are short, so we are making the most of our little grumpy lady even through her bouts and believe me when she smiles I cant even explain the joy it brings us. The positive to come from Colic is that it has made us appreciate those good days/hours/minutes all the more, the time we get Colic free is so special and I hope thats what we remember most about our first few months (Lord knows this girl has been through enough in her first few weeks) We will tell her that she was a little madam, that she caused her parents constant worry and drove her mummy to tears but we got there in the end. (I'm praying we get there in the end.) Until then you will find us in a warm bath, playing baby massage or simply crying whilst rocking in the corner of a dark room but Colic you will not beat us!!!